And so it begins...

Well, you knew it was coming sooner rather than later.

No, I'm not talking about the Torre talks.

Nor the A-Rod debate, which will, I am sure, be covered here soon.

No, my friends, it's time for the JOHAN SANTANA SWEEPSTAKES! It's time for those annual high-level discussions of whom the Pinstriped faithful feel are realistic candidates for trades.

I'm sure we'll hear some doozies in the coming days, like Melky Cabrera, Doug Mientkiewicz, and Karstens for Johan, but you gotta love this opener, found on Pinstripe Alley:

I think a play for Johan needs to be made. One of the biggest, most glaring problems has been the lack of a bona fide ace. Wang is not an ace, despite his 19 wins and sub-4 ERA. He's a number 3, sorry to say.

I really don't know how to get Johan or who to trade for him, but I believe it's an imperative for this off-season. He hates being in MIN and would probably love to be on a team that has a chance.

Just imagine a rotation of Johan, Pettitte, Wang, Hughes and Joba (notice no Moose - he needs to go someway, somehow; perhaps part of a Johan trade, if he'd agree?)


by docgonzo on Tue Oct 09, 2007 at 07:33:26 AM EDT

and here's a reply:

what if matsui was included

matsui AND moose? im sure the twins would jump at the opportunity...

by Clutch like Leyritz on Tue Oct 09, 2007 at 08:08:18 AM EDT
[ Parent ]

Love it...

Matsui and Mussina...for Johan Santana?

Makes sense to me!

Matsui made $13 million this year. Mussina made $11 million.

Santana made $13 million.

So the Twins are going to take on $11 million of salary to trade the best lefthanded pitcher in the American League (step off C.C., you had a good year, now don't push it)...and get older in the process!

All the Twins would need would be to fire Gardenhire and sign this guy to manage, and they'd be set!



Till next time,

- Silk...
PW?

Put down the Zoloft and back away

OK, Suzyn Waldman, we know you're excited. George opened up the checkbook, tore up the clubhouse rulebook and bought himself a seven-time Cy Young Winner.














I'm sure that the return of the Rocket trumps the 1979 bird-calling championship you won in Point Pleasant, New Jersey, and perhaps even your turn as Dulcinea in Man of La Mancha.



But come on, have some freaking pride. This was perhaps the least Pinstripe Worthy call in the history of Yankee broadcasting:




First of all, the Rocket's a hell of a pitcher, but my esteemed colleague has already established that his True Yankeehood points don't measure up.

Second, the dude is 45 and barely got through six innings most of the time last year. This year, facing AL lineups, is he going to get through more than that? Memo to Doctor Proctor: you're needed in the bullpen, stat. By the way, is this guy making pitching changes when it's Joe's naptime, or is this fellow doing it? Sal in Brooklyn and Jerome in Jersey want to know.

are these his pajamas?

Sure, he'll be better than this guy, but Pettitte is still the ace of the staff at this point...especially since Pettitte's the only one out of the two who actually can be counted on to travel with the team away from the Bronx.

Nice addition by the Boss, but Suzie just lost about 250 TYP in my book. True Yankee Fans would, I am sure, prefer that those sort of histrionics be reserved for the return of either Mo's cut fastball or this guy:






By the way, Suzyn, while you're in the clinic taking care of the manic disorder, could you maybe get a little nip and tuck next door? I'm sure a lot of Yankee fans would be more likely to show up to the park if this or any other one of Captain Dreamboat's denizens of supermodel exes were sitting next to John Sterling...





















Till next time,

- Silk...

See, this is how a True Yankee would have done it...

There's a big story here in Beantown today involving Curt Schilling's recently HOF-enshrined bloody sock. Supposedly, Doug Mirabelli told Orioles and ESPN Broadcaster Gary Thorne that Schilling's sock was covered with paint rather than blood on that fateful night back in October of 2004. (Yankee fans, I hope looking at that hurt you right in your non-surgically sutured Yankeepridehormonesecretingorgans).



We all remember the drama, the faces, and Schill thanking Jesus for "just getting him through" the night and the pain. Speaking from a strictly baseball fan perspective, I hope Mirabelli's lying, because Schilling's a little self-important for my taste and could use to slip about twelve notches down the ladder, but I sort of doubt if this could have happened without us hearing about it until now.

That being said, I can state categorically that if he did fake it, no True Yankee would ever have allowed the situation to have reached this point. Even I, a non-Yankee fan, know that:

First of all, you don't put the thing in the Hall of Fame. That's for the other teams. You enshrine it into your own Hall of Fame, and if possible, you bury that thing under the dirt in Monument Park where it can't spill its secrets. A True Yankee would have enlisted the help of this guy, who is one of their own.





Second, a True Yankee would not use paint, which only a Red Sox would be dumb enough to use; instead, you use the blood of a Yankee of lesser stature, who is primarily affixed to the bench. These sorts of guys abound and have been found in droves throughout the years, but here are some examples: Shane Spencer, Luis Sojo, Sterling Hitchcock, or Gerald Williams.

Now I know what you're asking...why wouldn't you use the blood of someone who just happened to be on the Yankees at the time and had little or no True Yankeehood running through his veins, like Tony Tarasco or someone? Well, there is some evidence that non-True Yankee blood can be catching, and you don't want Whitey Ford turning into Brian Bruney.



Finally, and here's the big one, you rub out the messenger before he has a chance to rat on you. The Yankees know all about this, through their connections with the underworld:



Mirabelli would have been sleeping with the fishes as soon as the sock was out of Yankee hands. True Yankee fans know that he would have understood.

- Silk...

Louisiana Lightning

It’s that time of year again, folks: baseball season is upon us! A time for hope, a time for speculation and prognostication, a time for Kerry Wood and Mike Hampton to be on the disabled list. Most importantly, time to see people like Ron Guidry step out of a Skoal commercial (and the Yankee dugout) and amble out to the mound to try and convince Carl Pavano that he is not a complete failure, molestache glimmering in the sun.

But, not too long ago, Ron Guidry was a pitcher on the receiving end of such meaningless visits and, as we all know, he was nowhere near a failure. However, what we will not know until the typing stops is whether or not he is Pinstripe Worthy.

First, the numbers .

TRUE YANKEE QUALITIES:

Member of 2 World Championship Teams: +500 TYP

Before their return to glory in the mid-to-late 1990s, the Bombers popped off back-to-back World Series victories in 1977 & 1978. In those two series, all Guidry did was go 2-0 with a 1.50 ERA in 2 complete game outings. Studly. Quite studly, even.

These championships were particularly important for “us”, because it had been an unfathomable 14 years since the Yankees last reigned. If Yankees World Series wins were crack, we all would have perished from withdrawal long before 1977. When you have 26 World Championships, going through long, ringless stretches is very hard.

Clutch: +250 TYP

All told, Gator’s post-season record was 5-2 with a 3.02 ERA. More notable is the fact that over his 10 career playoff starts, he averaged 6 2/3 innings per outing, including 3 complete games. A man’s man, through and through.

Further, even when the games did not occur in October, you pretty much knew “we” were getting a win when the ball was in Ron’s left hand. He ranks 27th on the list of all-time best winning percentage for pitchers, with an astounding 65.1% success rate.

1978: +100 TYP

Yankees do not ask for their place in history. Nor do they even demand it. They just fucking take it, as Gator did in his all-time year

You pick what you like more: 25 wins, 89.3% winning percentage, 270+ innings, 16 complete games, sub-2 ERA, 9 shutouts, his 18-strikeout game or an almost 3:1 strikeout-to-walk ratio. Seriously, pick whichever you like; it’s all academic.

This season would be worth even more but for the fact that he lost to fucking Jim Rice in the MVP race.

Came Back to Coach Up the Pitchers: +50 TYP

This would be worth more, but “we” have yet to win with him in charge of the staff. Also, while his drunken stumble out of the dugout is entertaining, it also exposes “us” to potential ridicule. I can’t tell whether he looks like the Marlboro Man or a cancer patient circling the drain. Mel was a presence in the dugout; Ron is, well, there.

However, some credit must be given for service to the franchise. Just by osmosis, he will be able to impart the Yankee Way on to such uneducated souls as that of Kei Igawa and Kyle Farnsworth.

NON-TRUE YANKEE QUALITIES

Prominent Member of the Famously Incompetent Bronx Zoo: -600 TYP

While due credit is given for being a part of the team that pulled “us” out of a prolonged interruption from post-season dominance, even worse is the fact that the Yankees went 17 freaking seasons without another World Series victory. I can taste my bile. It does not taste good.

I mean, not only did Guidry figure substantially in the fate of a team that didn’t even qualify for the playoffs in his last 7 years, he was the damn co-captain (along with Willie Randolph).

Started that Insidious Standing Up with 2-Strikes Nonsense: -150 TYP

God, that annoys the shit out of me. It’s one thing when it’s the top of the 9^th and everyone is just standing up to leave, since Mariano is sure to take care of business anyway, but do I really have to stand up just because Brian Bruney had the good fortune of landing two balls within the strike zone? There is a lot of douchebaggery that occurs on a fine day at Yankee Stadium, but this one gets my goat more than most others.

Looks Like He should be Dead: -50 TYP

So much so that he has a Dead or Alive? listing. Zimmer was old, but at least he was virile. Every time I see Lightning, I feel as though he should be hooked to an IV, wearing an oxygen mask, or at least have someone who periodically holds their hand over his mouth to make sure he’s still breathing.

FINAL TOTAL: +100 TYP

No slam dunk, but he’s home. “We” have a long history of adopting hicks and rednecks as our own, and the Louisiana Lightning fits that mold to a T. To those who question why not succeeding between 1979-1988 counts more than back-to-back Series wins, I refer you back to our mantra about not losing being more important than winning.

Now that some of the obvious cases have been made, we can move into the gray and tackle some of the closer cases such as Guidry. He’s so close, that I must reserve the right to adjust his calculation should any relevant information surface anytime soon.

And Puffy, you know this...

True Yankee fans, I give you Graig Nettles, a crucial contributor to the Bronx Zoo success of the late 1970s and one of only 11 team captains in the Pinstripers' history. Seems like a lock based on that alone, but as we'll find out, there are some mitigating circumstances here, and he certainly is deserving of a look. As always, let's start with the numbers.

The first thing that jumps out here is the fact that Nettles played for six teams...but:

1. none of them was the Red Sox, and
2. I mean, really, what True Yankee fan pays attention to the Twins, Indians, Padres, and Expos? Did those franchises even exist in 1977 when Nettles was building his credentials? The Indians might have, but, well...1948. And before you point out that he also played on the Braves, a team that True Yankee fans must grudgingly acknowledge before pointing out their World Series futility in the 1990s (STFU, the 2000s aren't actually real), remember that we're talking about 1987, and they lost 92 games and finished fifth that year.

So Nettles basically was a Yankee when it mattered. He made the postseason his rookie year with the Twins in 1969, He also got to the WS in 1984 with San Diego, but since the writer is in fact not a True Yankee fan at all, but rather a lifelong Cubs fan, we're definitely not going to talk about that.



Let's just move ahead with the True Yankeehood Points, and I'd admonish the Yankee fans sniggering at my team's now century-long championship drought to kindly do the world a favor and swallow your Driven cologne.












HARDWARE - THAT'S PLURAL: +500 TYP



Nettles was a big part of the Yankee's World Series wins in 1977 and 1978, and boy, did they need them. Until '77, they hadn't won since Yogi Berra was an active member of the roster...a drought of 14 long years. The Stottlemyer era was a painful time for True Yankee fans everywhere, and Nettles helped them forget it, winning Gold Gloves in both seasons, playing in 317 out of 324 possible regular season games and making some spectacular defensive plays in both postseasons. Nettles finished 5th in the MVP voting in '77, the top Yankee to receive votes, and, really, who remembers Rod Carew's season that year? The next year, Guidry finished second thanks to his spectacular 25-3 record, but the important thing to True Yankee fans, is that the 1978 winner, Jim Rice, watched the postseason from his couch as usual.


NOT A-ROD: +500 TYP




Nettles's excellent defense and consistently gritty play have been the stuff of True Yankee overexaggeration for three decades now. Ask any Yankee fan who they'd rather have at the hot corner...Puff, or this guy, and see what answers you get.

Nettles is the number one guy, after, Jeter or Reggie Jackson, used to demonstrate Rodriguez's failings as a True Yankee. Graig, we hear, got it done in the postseason , while A-Rod hasn't delivered yet and, we are reminded, never will because he just lacks the makeup for New York (perhaps it's the purple lipstick).



THE SUPERBALLS: +200 TYP



Memo to Gary Sheffield (whatever, he's still a Yankee to me), Jason Giambi, and soon-to-be-Yankee Barry Balco: as Yogi said, "Sometimes you can learn a lot by watching." Some cheating is COOL, and Nettles's hail of superballs in 1974 definitely falls into that category. This is way cooler than steroids or greenies: this is historical baseball cheating at its best, right up there with Joe Neikro's emery board and the "refrigerator ball". And in True Yankee fashion, they kept his home run, which was the only run scored in the game, and wiped away Nettles' meaningless single to center field in the 5th. So he cheated without getting ejected AND got a win...is there anything more Pinstripe Worthy than that?

Now, I've read plenty of accounts of this game, but here's one thing I didn't know, because no one seems to have noticed it, until I researched the matter myself: it was the SECOND GAME OF A DOUBLEHEADER THAT DAY! And guess what, True Yankee fans...he homered in the FIRST game, too! Yeah, I'm SURE that the second game in a twin bill was really the first time Nettles used the bat, as he told interviewers after the game.




QUOTE MACHINE: +250 TYP And not in a weird, laughing both-with-you-and-at-you-at-the-same-time-ala-Mickey-Rivers kind of a way. No, this guy was just solid when it came to the soundbites. Here are a few representative gems from the Bronx Zoo era:

• "We've got a problem here. Luis Tiant wants to use the bathroom and it says no foreign objects in the toilet."


• "People recognize me wherever I go, where it used to be just New York. I guess people who aren't even baseball fans watch the World Series. I was driving down the freeway in Los Angeles over the winter and a guy pulled up next to me and gave me the finger."

• "When I was a little boy, I wanted to be a baseball player and join the circus. With the Yankees, I've accomplished both."

• "It's a good thing Babe Ruth isn't here. If he was, George Steinbrenner would have him bat seventh and say he's overweight."

• "What we need is a second-base coach."

• On Sparky Lyle's difficulties: "He's gone from Cy Young to Cy-anara".

• "The more we lose, the more Steinbrenner will fly in. And the more he flies, the better the chance there will be for a plane crash."




INJURED BILL LEE IN A BRAWL in 1976, EFFECTIVELY SPOILING THE RED SOX' CHANCES AT REPEATING AS CHAMPIONS OF THE AMERICAN LEAGUE: +250 TYP

Tough to do better than this...from the True Yankee viewpoint, did anyone deserve this more? Maybe Pedro, but that's about it.


Named captain in 1982: + 150 TYP

What, you ask? How can Nettles only get 150 points for joining a group so elite that Mantle, Dimaggio, Berra and Ford don't qualify for it? Well, two points, True Yankee Fans:

1. Yes, it's an accomplishment. But Hal Chase, a man who damn near destroyed baseball altogether is on that list, so don't get your pinstriped panties in a huge twist over it, and

2. Nettles nearly cancelled any captain cachet he may have earned from himself when he...

WROTE HIS WAY OUT OF TOWN: - 500 TYP




Yeah, this just looks bad. The Bronx Zoo was dysfunctional, we all know that, but you don't write a freaking book trashing the Boss and calling him fat, while painting Billy Martin as a pretty good guy, not in 1983 you don't. Not when you're the seventh Yankee captain in history, and the one directly after Thurman Munson (it's okay, True Yankee fans, you can get off your knees now). Nowadays...no problem. Everyone takes shots at George in 2007, but that was decidedly Pinstripe un-Worthy, and it led to...


GOT TRADED TO THE PADRES, AND ACTUALLY LIKED IT: - 800 TYP




Bad enough that you should leave New York, but to the Padres? Even Winfield knew it was prudent to get the hell out of there ASAP, and we have already established in this forum that Mr. May was decidedly not a True Yankee.

Aside from going to a second-class franchise, the fact that you pick one with STEVE FREAKING GARVEY as its best offensive player simply smacks on un-True Yankeehood. That guy's as Dodger Blue as one gets, although his post-playing career and Strawhowegoodenberry's are somewhat similar.

Not to mention the fact that he did better in the postseason for the Pads than he did in in Pinstripes...Oh, yeah, there's this, too... take an additional 50 points for making me think of that.

CONTRACTED HEPATITIS IN 1980, MISSING 67 REGULAR SEASON GAMES: -250 TYP

Since we don't actually know what the details were, Nettles gets the benefit of the doubt on this one. Let's assume he was either drinking Bronx water or went on one too many pub crawls up Amsterdam in the off-season. However, it must be pointed out that sharing needles is a damned good way to get Hepatitis B...ironically, his replacement was the original A-Rod, for whom the Yankees traded to the very same Padres for (what else) cash...

So here's our tally:

POSITIVE TRUE YANKEEHOOD SCORE: +1850 TYP


NEGATIVE TRUE YANKEEHOOD SCORE: -1550 TYP

TOTAL TRUE YANKEEHOOD SCORE: +300 TYP

He just makes it, mostly on the strength of kicking Spaceman's ass, which even the likes of me, a non-True Yankee fan, realizes is a good thing. But let's get one thing straight...he never had a chance at the Hall. If Santo's not in, no way either this guy or Darrell Evans gets close.

Until next time,

- Silk...

Retraction time

OK, so we may have called this one wrong. To quote the esteemed esquire...

"True Yankees do not get shown the gate after two seasons. Consider yourself on notice."

He had the makings, but I guess he wasn't Pinstripe Worthy after all...that being said, I really think this is a bad move for the Yankees (unlike the very positive effects that dumping Sheffield will have). Sure, the Unit looked flaccid and ineffectual last year, but he's still better than what else is out there...and the Red Sox showed last year that a "surplus of pitching" is an oxymoron (more on the increasingly Pinstripe Worthy Fenway front office soon...).

Johnson is still lefthanded, still had 17 wins each of the last two years, still is capable of throwing one of the filthiest sliders in the game, and still would have been a great asset against the big lefty bats in the American League. With the salaries guys like Meche and Lilly got this year, Johnson's money is reasonable...and who gives a crap about money when you're the Yankees, anyway?

But I can see why they dumped him...he just didn't have the peculiar Bronxian variety of battery acid running through his veins.

- Silk...

The Prodigal Son

Tired of watching the Giants implode upon themselves or waiting for the other shoe to drop with the Jets? Disgusted by the amount of money being thrown at players who have yet to record an out in the MLB (Matsuzaka), single handedly dragged down the once-mighty Yankees upon becoming a full-time player (exaggeration, but Soriano), have heads the size of Grape Ape's (Bonds, and goodbye, Mr. Barbera), are members of the fairer sex (Drew)...you get the point. Enough about them, and more about "us"; one of our favorite pitchers in recent memory has returned. No, no; not that fat, steroid-ridden worthless piece of shit This sexy beast:




We've known for awhile, but today it's official: he's back.

Is this good? What if "we" have simply been convincing ourselves that everything would have been alright if that evil sonofabitch had not decided to take his ball and go home-literally-and snake poor, impressionable Andy on the way out? What if he's done? What if it really is about the money this time? Was he ever really a True Yankee to begin with?

Glad you asked. As always, we begin with the numbers.

TRUE YANKEE QUALITIES

Member of 4 World Championship Teams: +1000 TYP



It sometimes feels like more, but four is pretty damn good. Especially in nine seasons. In his 21 postseason series' with the Bombers, Andy went 10-5 with a 4.04 ERA. More than that, however, he served as the stopper, going a stark 6-2 in postseason Game 2's. 1996-2000 were great times to be a Yankee and a Yankee fan; Andy was a huge reason why.

Homegrown: +400 TYP

The greatest part of the most recent Yankees dynasty was that "we" were able to stick it to the detractors, who always felt the need to chip in with a snarky "sure, they win, but only because they buy any players they want." Not the case with Andy, Jeter, Mo, Posada and Bernie. They came up through the system and became the heart and soul of an all-time team. As it should be.

Started the Ladies' Motors: +100 TYP



What higher compliment could be paid to a True Yankee than to say that my mother has always had a crush on him? And who could blame her? Tall, dark, handsome, brooding, intense...my my, time for a little break.

OK, that was a little weird, but something always made "us" feel safe when we saw Andy on the mound, brim pulled low with his glove in front of his face.

One of the Filthiest Pickoff Moves Ever: +50 TYP

I am just going to let this speak for itself.



NON-TRUE YANKEE QUALITIES

You Think You Can Just Walk Away from This Thing of Ours? : -500 TYP




Done vomiting? No? Me neither; let's all of us take a few more minutes. Seriously, there were so many things wrong with the entire 2003/2004 offseason. First, how much of a little bitch do you have to be to take offense at not being wooed by your own team? It had been 9 years, man; most married couples even give up "date night" after 9 years. But you're going to run away crying because The Boss is wining and dining Gary Sheffield instead of you. Real mature.

Second, he took less money than what the Yankees were offering to go to Houston. Very un-True Yankee. Finally, as has been covered enough in this space, he aligned himself with Clemens, who had just committed the ultimate betrayal upon the Pinstripes. That's like choosing ho's before bro's: it's simply not done.

How Freaking Sensitive Can a Dude Be? : -100 TYP

This time around, Pettitte is doing the exact same thing, only in reverse. And this time, he's taking the money. But this was not about the money, it was about Cashman learning his lesson and improving his bedside manner. This time, the glove was on the other hand, so to speak, as it was Cashman not only offering more money, but telling Fragile Andy how much he and the Yankees needed and loved him. Cold fish Houston didn't stand a chance. Unsubstantiated reports indicate that if, when he returns home from a road trip, Andy's wife Laura does not have his favorite dish (mac & cheese, if you were curious) waiting for him, Fragile Andy runs to the tool shed to weep some very large tears.

May Have Shared More than Hot Beef Injections with Roger: -50 TYP

That whole Jason Grimsley story died down pretty quickly, but not before he refused to adhere to Carmelo Anthony's advice. Caught in the crossfire was none other than Mr. Pettitte. Given that nothing has been proven, and other steroid users have been pardoned by "us" in the past, this does not mean too much.

FINAL TOTAL: +900 TYP

Was there really any doubt? Sure, the Bombers probably overpaid a bit for him this time around, but have there really been any bargain-basement values with regard to marquee free agents this offseason? This move signals a return to glory for the Yankees; no more straight up mercenaries like Randy Johnson and A-Rod and a team reminiscent of the Bronx Zoo. It's time for the tried and true methods of success to be re-employed. I wonder if Ricky Ledee is available...

In other news...

This just in: Jim Leyritz is reportedly considering a comeback.

In other news, I found some interesting lint in the dryer screen while I was doing my laundry this morning...

Word to the true Pinstripe-Worthiers among us: we'll be hearing a lot about this in the next few days, and someone will dredge up this quote from Costas, who will almost certainly get a PW? evaluation of his own in the near future:

"You could send this guy to a resort in the spring and summer, as long as he comes back for October."

Yeah. Leyritz hit 8 postseason dongs. But first of all, we've been clearly coached by Yankee fans that the two he hit for the Padres are completely worthless, so let's throw them out, shall we...although I guess it could be noted that he did nothing against the Yankees in the series, which, I'm sure, speaks somehow to his True Yankeehood. Hell, according to this, "It should also be noted in this series that Leyritz was the starting catcher in Game 5 of this series, a 1-0 pitcher's duel between Andy Pettitte and John Smoltz. While Leyritz did not contribute offensively or defensively in this game, he was calling the pitches for Pettitte's remarkable 8 1/3 innings shutout performance and guided Andy (as well as closer John Wetteland) through perilous 6th and 9th inning jams." Maybe Leyritz was also responsible for Don Larsen's perfect game, too...

Okay, the guy still had a few moments in October, I'll give him that. But if he comes back and flops, won't he be tarnishing his legacy? That's not "The Yankee Way," is it?

Oh, yeah, and there's this, too...

Truly Pinstripe Worthy...

- Silk...