Joltin' Joe

OK, now we're getting somewhere.

At first look, you don't get more True Yankee than this guy - he's the Yankee freaking Clipper! But we don't know for sure until the True Yankee Score has been calculated, so here we go!
The numbers - just unreal. Arguably one of the best 5 centerfielders of all time. If the True Yankee pantheon can rightfully claim this guy, it's one hell of a feather in their pinstriped cap. A true all-around player - didn't steal bases, but hit for average and power, played a top-notch CF in a huge outfield, and accomplished perhaps the most difficult feat in the history of sports.

True Yankee Qualities:

Nine Titles in Thirteen Years: +1000 TYP


This goes beyond the mundane Yankee mandate to win at all times. Dimaggio had to hit in front of Gehrig for his first three years. Think about that - a 21-year old rookie came in, hitting in Babe Ruth's spot, and was an instant superstar. There aren't many athletes that succeed immediately when asked to follow one of the best to ever play (Scottie Pippen, I'm looking at you). Sure, the Yankees had other great players on those teams - but Dimaggio was better than any of them. And keep in mind the fact that DiMaggio played in a stadium that was an absolute nightmare for righthanded power hitters - Bill James says that DiMaggio probably lost more home runs to his home park than any player in major league history.

The Streak: + 500 TYP

Perhaps the safest record in all of team sports - the only baseball accomplishments even close are Ripken's and Larsen's. No one's breaking this anytime soon, and True Yankees set the standard to which everyone aspires.

Boinked Marilyn Monroe: +250 TYP


Jeter, Mantle, and even Kyle Farnsworth know all about this. There is no greater perk in sports than the fine females that flock to athletes in a big city, and playing center field in the Bronx is probably the greatest home-field advantage in history. Not even fair - Kennedy was probably jealous of this guy... because DiMaggio bagged Marilyn when she was in her youthful prime.



True Yankees bring home the prom queen, and Marilyn was bigger than Jessica Alba, Christie Brinkley, or Roseanne have ever been or ever will be.


The Song: + 200 TYP

It's easy to overlook this, but that would be a mistake. Sure, nowadays it's commonplace for athletes to appear in rap videos or release god-awful recordings of their own (see Bryant, Kobe, or even worse, Artest, Ron). But in 1941, this simply didn't happen. Most athletes were considered to be outside of entertainment business. True Yankees are larger than life, and as much as the song itself might suck, it's huge.



The War: + 50 TYP



DiMaggio made it cool to be an American soldier. Sure, he could have been destroying those quadruple-A pitchers that were left behind in the big leagues, but instead he enlisted in the US Army to take on those bastards from Germany, Italy, and Japan. Now, it's true that Sergeant Joltin' Joe never actually got any closer to action than teaching physical education in Hawaii and Atlantic City, but that just tells you that the Army put high priority on keeping him safe - which wasn't the case with Ted Williams or with Feller.

Got paid: + 100 TYP


DiMaggio didn't come cheap. He was the second $100,000 player, after Ted Williams. I think everyone realizes that this is a big part of being a True Yankee. On top of the salary, Joe cashed in big-time on the Mr. Coffee ads and surely got paid to lend his name to the Joe Chair...








Non-True Yankee Qualities:

There's not much here. I guess DiMaggio loses points for acting like a sally by chasing her and sending flowers to her grave for decades after Marilyn first dumped him to go hang out with the Rat Pack and later offed herself. Also, he tolerated the fact that his brother Dom played his entire career for the Red Sox without disowning him. However, it should be stated that he returned from an injury that had kept him out of the lineup for the first 65 gmes of season in 1949 to stick it to the Red Sox at Fenway and lead the Yankees to a three-game sweep, with his brother watching. Take away 75 points total, and call it a day.

In summation, the consummate pro, the king of New York for thirteen years, and a True Yankee. Final tally: 2025 True Yankee Points. Score one for the bad guys. Very few of them will be this easy..

Who will be judged next? Darryl Strawberry? Luis Polonia? Billy Martin? Donald Trump? You'll have to wait and see.