Pinstripe Worthy?

And so it begins...

2007-10-09T10:21:00.000-07:00

Well, you knew it was coming sooner rather than later.

No, I'm not talking about the Torre talks.

Nor the A-Rod debate, which will, I am sure, be covered here soon.

No, my friends, it's time for the JOHAN SANTANA SWEEPSTAKES! It's time for those annual high-level discussions of whom the Pinstriped faithful feel are realistic candidates for trades.

I'm sure we'll hear some doozies in the coming days, like Melky Cabrera, Doug Mientkiewicz, and Karstens for Johan, but you gotta love this opener, found on Pinstripe Alley:

I think a play for Johan needs to be made. One of the biggest, most glaring problems has been the lack of a bona fide ace. Wang is not an ace, despite his 19 wins and sub-4 ERA. He's a number 3, sorry to say.

I really don't know how to get Johan or who to trade for him, but I believe it's an imperative for this off-season. He hates being in MIN and would probably love to be on a team that has a chance.

Just imagine a rotation of Johan, Pettitte, Wang, Hughes and Joba (notice no Moose - he needs to go someway, somehow; perhaps part of a Johan trade, if he'd agree?)

by docgonzo on Tue Oct 09, 2007 at 07:33:26 AM EDT

and here's a reply:

what if matsui was included

matsui AND moose? im sure the twins would jump at the opportunity...

by Clutch like Leyritz on Tue Oct 09, 2007 at 08:08:18 AM EDT
[ Parent ]

Love it...

Matsui and Mussina...for Johan Santana?

Makes sense to me!

Matsui made $13 million this year. Mussina made $11 million.

Santana made $13 million.

So the Twins are going to take on $11 million of salary to trade the best lefthanded pitcher in the American League (step off C.C., you had a good year, now don't push it)...and get older in the process!

All the Twins would need would be to fire Gardenhire and sign this guy to manage, and they'd be set!

Till next time,

- Silk...
PW?

Put down the Zoloft and back away

2007-05-08T12:47:00.000-07:00

OK, Suzyn Waldman, we know you're excited. George opened up the checkbook, tore up the clubhouse rulebook and bought himself a seven-time Cy Young Winner.

I'm sure that the return of the Rocket trumps the 1979 bird-calling championship you won in Point Pleasant, New Jersey, and perhaps even your turn as Dulcinea in Man of La Mancha.

But come on, have some freaking pride. This was perhaps the least Pinstripe Worthy call in the history of Yankee broadcasting:

First of all, the Rocket's a hell of a pitcher, but my esteemed colleague has already established that his True Yankeehood points don't measure up.

Second, the dude is 45 and barely got through six innings most of the time last year. This year, facing AL lineups, is he going to get through more than that? Memo to Doctor Proctor: you're needed in the bullpen, stat. By the way, is this guy making pitching changes when it's Joe's naptime, or is this fellow doing it? Sal in Brooklyn and Jerome in Jersey want to know.

are these his pajamas?

Sure, he'll be better than this guy, but Pettitte is still the ace of the staff at this point...especially since Pettitte's the only one out of the two who actually can be counted on to travel with the team away from the Bronx.

Nice addition by the Boss, but Suzie just lost about 250 TYP in my book. True Yankee Fans would, I am sure, prefer that those sort of histrionics be reserved for the return of either Mo's cut fastball or this guy:

By the way, Suzyn, while you're in the clinic taking care of the manic disorder, could you maybe get a little nip and tuck next door? I'm sure a lot of Yankee fans would be more likely to show up to the park if this or any other one of Captain Dreamboat's denizens of supermodel exes were sitting next to John Sterling...

Till next time,

- Silk...

See, this is how a True Yankee would have done it...

2007-04-26T06:47:00.000-07:00

There's a big story here in Beantown today involving Curt Schilling's recently HOF-enshrined bloody sock. Supposedly, Doug Mirabelli told Orioles and ESPN Broadcaster Gary Thorne that Schilling's sock was covered with paint rather than blood on that fateful night back in October of 2004. (Yankee fans, I hope looking at that hurt you right in your non-surgically sutured Yankeepridehormonesecretingorgans).

We all remember the drama, the faces, and Schill thanking Jesus for "just getting him through" the night and the pain. Speaking from a strictly baseball fan perspective, I hope Mirabelli's lying, because Schilling's a little self-important for my taste and could use to slip about twelve notches down the ladder, but I sort of doubt if this could have happened without us hearing about it until now.

That being said, I can state categorically that if he did fake it, no True Yankee would ever have allowed the situation to have reached this point. Even I, a non-Yankee fan, know that:

First of all, you don't put the thing in the Hall of Fame. That's for the other teams. You enshrine it into your own Hall of Fame, and if possible, you bury that thing under the dirt in Monument Park where it can't spill its secrets. A True Yankee would have enlisted the help of this guy, who is one of their own.

Second, a True Yankee would not use paint, which only a Red Sox would be dumb enough to use; instead, you use the blood of a Yankee of lesser stature, who is primarily affixed to the bench. These sorts of guys abound and have been found in droves throughout the years, but here are some examples: Shane Spencer, Luis Sojo, Sterling Hitchcock, or Gerald Williams.

Now I know what you're asking...why wouldn't you use the blood of someone who just happened to be on the Yankees at the time and had little or no True Yankeehood running through his veins, like Tony Tarasco or someone? Well, there is some evidence that non-True Yankee blood can be catching, and you don't want Whitey Ford turning into Brian Bruney.

Finally, and here's the big one, you rub out the messenger before he has a chance to rat on you. The Yankees know all about this, through their connections with the underworld:

Mirabelli would have been sleeping with the fishes as soon as the sock was out of Yankee hands. True Yankee fans know that he would have understood.

- Silk...

Louisiana Lightning

2007-04-08T14:13:00.000-07:00

It’s that time of year again, folks: baseball season is upon us! A time for hope, a time for speculation and prognostication, a time for Kerry Wood and Mike Hampton to be on the disabled list. Most importantly, time to see people like Ron Guidry step out of a Skoal commercial (and the Yankee dugout) and amble out to the mound to try and convince Carl Pavano that he is not a complete failure, molestache glimmering in the sun.

But, not too long ago, Ron Guidry was a pitcher on the receiving end of such meaningless visits and, as we all know, he was nowhere near a failure. However, what we will not know until the typing stops is whether or not he is Pinstripe Worthy.

First, the numbers .

TRUE YANKEE QUALITIES:

Member of 2 World Championship Teams: +500 TYP

Before their return to glory in the mid-to-late 1990s, the Bombers popped off back-to-back World Series victories in 1977 & 1978. In those two series, all Guidry did was go 2-0 with a 1.50 ERA in 2 complete game outings. Studly. Quite studly, even.

These championships were particularly important for “us”, because it had been an unfathomable 14 years since the Yankees last reigned. If Yankees World Series wins were crack, we all would have perished from withdrawal long before 1977. When you have 26 World Championships, going through long, ringless stretches is very hard.

Clutch: +250 TYP

All told, Gator’s post-season record was 5-2 with a 3.02 ERA. More notable is the fact that over his 10 career playoff starts, he averaged 6 2/3 innings per outing, including 3 complete games. A man’s man, through and through.

Further, even when the games did not occur in October, you pretty much knew “we” were getting a win when the ball was in Ron’s left hand. He ranks 27th on the list of all-time best winning percentage for pitchers, with an astounding 65.1% success rate.

1978: +100 TYP

Yankees do not ask for their place in history. Nor do they even demand it. They just fucking take it, as Gator did in his all-time year

You pick what you like more: 25 wins, 89.3% winning percentage, 270+ innings, 16 complete games, sub-2 ERA, 9 shutouts, his 18-strikeout game or an almost 3:1 strikeout-to-walk ratio. Seriously, pick whichever you like; it’s all academic.

This season would be worth even more but for the fact that he lost to fucking Jim Rice in the MVP race.

Came Back to Coach Up the Pitchers: +50 TYP

This would be worth more, but “we” have yet to win with him in charge of the staff. Also, while his drunken stumble out of the dugout is entertaining, it also exposes “us” to potential ridicule. I can’t tell whether he looks like the Marlboro Man or a cancer patient circling the drain. Mel was a presence in the dugout; Ron is, well, there.

However, some credit must be given for service to the franchise. Just by osmosis, he will be able to impart the Yankee Way on to such uneducated souls as that of Kei Igawa and Kyle Farnsworth.

NON-TRUE YANKEE QUALITIES

Prominent Member of the Famously Incompetent Bronx Zoo: -600 TYP

While due credit is given for being a part of the team that pulled “us” out of a prolonged interruption from post-season dominance, even worse is the fact that the Yankees went 17 freaking seasons without another World Series victory. I can taste my bile. It does not taste good.

I mean, not only did Guidry figure substantially in the fate of a team that didn’t even qualify for the playoffs in his last 7 years, he was the damn co-captain (along with Willie Randolph).

Started that Insidious Standing Up with 2-Strikes Nonsense: -150 TYP

God, that annoys the shit out of me. It’s one thing when it’s the top of the 9^th and everyone is just standing up to leave, since Mariano is sure to take care of business anyway, but do I really have to stand up just because Brian Bruney had the good fortune of landing two balls within the strike zone? There is a lot of douchebaggery that occurs on a fine day at Yankee Stadium, but this one gets my goat more than most others.

Looks Like He should be Dead: -50 TYP

So much so that he has a Dead or Alive? listing. Zimmer was old, but at least he was virile. Every time I see Lightning, I feel as though he should be hooked to an IV, wearing an oxygen mask, or at least have someone who periodically holds their hand over his mouth to make sure he’s still breathing.

FINAL TOTAL: +100 TYP

No slam dunk, but he’s home. “We” have a long history of adopting hicks and rednecks as our own, and the Louisiana Lightning fits that mold to a T. To those who question why not succeeding between 1979-1988 counts more than back-to-back Series wins, I refer you back to our mantra about not losing being more important than winning.

Now that some of the obvious cases have been made, we can move into the gray and tackle some of the closer cases such as Guidry. He’s so close, that I must reserve the right to adjust his calculation should any relevant information surface anytime soon.

And Puffy, you know this...

2007-04-08T07:36:00.000-07:00

True Yankee fans, I give you Graig Nettles, a crucial contributor to the Bronx Zoo success of the late 1970s and one of only 11 team captains in the Pinstripers' history. Seems like a lock based on that alone, but as we'll find out, there are some mitigating circumstances here, and he certainly is deserving of a look. As always, let's start with the numbers.

The first thing that jumps out here is the fact that Nettles played for six teams...but:

1. none of them was the Red Sox, and
2. I mean, really, what True Yankee fan pays attention to the Twins, Indians, Padres, and Expos? Did those franchises even exist in 1977 when Nettles was building his credentials? The Indians might have, but, well...1948. And before you point out that he also played on the Braves, a team that True Yankee fans must grudgingly acknowledge before pointing out their World Series futility in the 1990s (STFU, the 2000s aren't actually real), remember that we're talking about 1987, and they lost 92 games and finished fifth that year.

So Nettles basically was a Yankee when it mattered. He made the postseason his rookie year with the Twins in 1969, He also got to the WS in 1984 with San Diego, but since the writer is in fact not a True Yankee fan at all, but rather a lifelong Cubs fan, we're definitely not going to talk about that.

Let's just move ahead with the True Yankeehood Points, and I'd admonish the Yankee fans sniggering at my team's now century-long championship drought to kindly do the world a favor and swallow your Driven cologne.

HARDWARE - THAT'S PLURAL: +500 TYP

Nettles was a big part of the Yankee's World Series wins in 1977 and 1978, and boy, did they need them. Until '77, they hadn't won since Yogi Berra was an active member of the roster...a drought of 14 long years. The Stottlemyer era was a painful time for True Yankee fans everywhere, and Nettles helped them forget it, winning Gold Gloves in both seasons, playing in 317 out of 324 possible regular season games and making some spectacular defensive plays in both postseasons. Nettles finished 5th in the MVP voting in '77, the top Yankee to receive votes, and, really, who remembers Rod Carew's season that year? The next year, Guidry finished second thanks to his spectacular 25-3 record, but the important thing to True Yankee fans, is that the 1978 winner, Jim Rice, watched the postseason from his couch as usual.

NOT A-ROD: +500 TYP

Nettles's excellent defense and consistently gritty play have been the stuff of True Yankee overexaggeration for three decades now. Ask any Yankee fan who they'd rather have at the hot corner...Puff, or this guy, and see what answers you get.

Nettles is the number one guy, after, Jeter or Reggie Jackson, used to demonstrate Rodriguez's failings as a True Yankee. Graig, we hear, got it done in the postseason , while A-Rod hasn't delivered yet and, we are reminded, never will because he just lacks the makeup for New York (perhaps it's the purple lipstick).

THE SUPERBALLS: +200 TYP

Memo to Gary Sheffield (whatever, he's still a Yankee to me), Jason Giambi, and soon-to-be-Yankee Barry Balco: as Yogi said, "Sometimes you can learn a lot by watching." Some cheating is COOL, and Nettles's hail of superballs in 1974 definitely falls into that category. This is way cooler than steroids or greenies: this is historical baseball cheating at its best, right up there with Joe Neikro's emery board and the "refrigerator ball". And in True Yankee fashion, they kept his home run, which was the only run scored in the game, and wiped away Nettles' meaningless single to center field in the 5th. So he cheated without getting ejected AND got a win...is there anything more Pinstripe Worthy than that?

Now, I've read plenty of accounts of this game, but here's one thing I didn't know, because no one seems to have noticed it, until I researched the matter myself: it was the SECOND GAME OF A DOUBLEHEADER THAT DAY! And guess what, True Yankee fans...he homered in the FIRST game, too! Yeah, I'm SURE that the second game in a twin bill was really the first time Nettles used the bat, as he told interviewers after the game.

QUOTE MACHINE: +250 TYP And not in a weird, laughing both-with-you-and-at-you-at-the-same-time-ala-Mickey-Rivers kind of a way. No, this guy was just solid when it came to the soundbites. Here are a few representative gems from the Bronx Zoo era:

• "We've got a problem here. Luis Tiant wants to use the bathroom and it says no foreign objects in the toilet."

• "People recognize me wherever I go, where it used to be just New York. I guess people who aren't even baseball fans watch the World Series. I was driving down the freeway in Los Angeles over the winter and a guy pulled up next to me and gave me the finger."

• "When I was a little boy, I wanted to be a baseball player and join the circus. With the Yankees, I've accomplished both."

• "It's a good thing Babe Ruth isn't here. If he was, George Steinbrenner would have him bat seventh and say he's overweight."

• "What we need is a second-base coach."

• On Sparky Lyle's difficulties: "He's gone from Cy Young to Cy-anara".

• "The more we lose, the more Steinbrenner will fly in. And the more he flies, the better the chance there will be for a plane crash."

INJURED BILL LEE IN A BRAWL in 1976, EFFECTIVELY SPOILING THE RED SOX' CHANCES AT REPEATING AS CHAMPIONS OF THE AMERICAN LEAGUE: +250 TYP

Tough to do better than this...from the True Yankee viewpoint, did anyone deserve this more? Maybe Pedro, but that's about it.

Named captain in 1982: + 150 TYP

What, you ask? How can Nettles only get 150 points for joining a group so elite that Mantle, Dimaggio, Berra and Ford don't qualify for it? Well, two points, True Yankee Fans:

1. Yes, it's an accomplishment. But Hal Chase, a man who damn near destroyed baseball altogether is on that list, so don't get your pinstriped panties in a huge twist over it, and

2. Nettles nearly cancelled any captain cachet he may have earned from himself when he...

WROTE HIS WAY OUT OF TOWN: - 500 TYP

Yeah, this just looks bad. The Bronx Zoo was dysfunctional, we all know that, but you don't write a freaking book trashing the Boss and calling him fat, while painting Billy Martin as a pretty good guy, not in 1983 you don't. Not when you're the seventh Yankee captain in history, and the one directly after Thurman Munson (it's okay, True Yankee fans, you can get off your knees now). Nowadays...no problem. Everyone takes shots at George in 2007, but that was decidedly Pinstripe un-Worthy, and it led to...

GOT TRADED TO THE PADRES, AND ACTUALLY LIKED IT: - 800 TYP

Bad enough that you should leave New York, but to the Padres? Even Winfield knew it was prudent to get the hell out of there ASAP, and we have already established in this forum that Mr. May was decidedly not a True Yankee.

Aside from going to a second-class franchise, the fact that you pick one with STEVE FREAKING GARVEY as its best offensive player simply smacks on un-True Yankeehood. That guy's as Dodger Blue as one gets, although his post-playing career and Strawhowegoodenberry's are somewhat similar.

Not to mention the fact that he did better in the postseason for the Pads than he did in in Pinstripes...Oh, yeah, there's this, too... take an additional 50 points for making me think of that.

CONTRACTED HEPATITIS IN 1980, MISSING 67 REGULAR SEASON GAMES: -250 TYP

Since we don't actually know what the details were, Nettles gets the benefit of the doubt on this one. Let's assume he was either drinking Bronx water or went on one too many pub crawls up Amsterdam in the off-season. However, it must be pointed out that sharing needles is a damned good way to get Hepatitis B...ironically, his replacement was the original A-Rod, for whom the Yankees traded to the very same Padres for (what else) cash...

So here's our tally:

POSITIVE TRUE YANKEEHOOD SCORE: +1850 TYP

NEGATIVE TRUE YANKEEHOOD SCORE: -1550 TYP

TOTAL TRUE YANKEEHOOD SCORE: +300 TYP

He just makes it, mostly on the strength of kicking Spaceman's ass, which even the likes of me, a non-True Yankee fan, realizes is a good thing. But let's get one thing straight...he never had a chance at the Hall. If Santo's not in, no way either this guy or Darrell Evans gets close.

Until next time,

- Silk...

Retraction time

2007-01-04T13:12:00.000-08:00

OK, so we may have called this one wrong. To quote the esteemed esquire...

"True Yankees do not get shown the gate after two seasons. Consider yourself on notice."

He had the makings, but I guess he wasn't Pinstripe Worthy after all...that being said, I really think this is a bad move for the Yankees (unlike the very positive effects that dumping Sheffield will have). Sure, the Unit looked flaccid and ineffectual last year, but he's still better than what else is out there...and the Red Sox showed last year that a "surplus of pitching" is an oxymoron (more on the increasingly Pinstripe Worthy Fenway front office soon...).

Johnson is still lefthanded, still had 17 wins each of the last two years, still is capable of throwing one of the filthiest sliders in the game, and still would have been a great asset against the big lefty bats in the American League. With the salaries guys like Meche and Lilly got this year, Johnson's money is reasonable...and who gives a crap about money when you're the Yankees, anyway?

But I can see why they dumped him...he just didn't have the peculiar Bronxian variety of battery acid running through his veins.

- Silk...

The Prodigal Son

2006-12-21T16:42:00.000-08:00

Tired of watching the Giants implode upon themselves or waiting for the other shoe to drop with the Jets? Disgusted by the amount of money being thrown at players who have yet to record an out in the MLB (Matsuzaka), single handedly dragged down the once-mighty Yankees upon becoming a full-time player (exaggeration, but Soriano), have heads the size of Grape Ape's (Bonds, and goodbye, Mr. Barbera), are members of the fairer sex (Drew)...you get the point. Enough about them, and more about "us"; one of our favorite pitchers in recent memory has returned. No, no; not that fat, steroid-ridden worthless piece of shit This sexy beast:

We've known for awhile, but today it's official: he's back.

Is this good? What if "we" have simply been convincing ourselves that everything would have been alright if that evil sonofabitch had not decided to take his ball and go home-literally-and snake poor, impressionable Andy on the way out? What if he's done? What if it really is about the money this time? Was he ever really a True Yankee to begin with?

Glad you asked. As always, we begin with the numbers.

TRUE YANKEE QUALITIES

Member of 4 World Championship Teams: +1000 TYP

It sometimes feels like more, but four is pretty damn good. Especially in nine seasons. In his 21 postseason series' with the Bombers, Andy went 10-5 with a 4.04 ERA. More than that, however, he served as the stopper, going a stark 6-2 in postseason Game 2's. 1996-2000 were great times to be a Yankee and a Yankee fan; Andy was a huge reason why.

Homegrown: +400 TYP

The greatest part of the most recent Yankees dynasty was that "we" were able to stick it to the detractors, who always felt the need to chip in with a snarky "sure, they win, but only because they buy any players they want." Not the case with Andy, Jeter, Mo, Posada and Bernie. They came up through the system and became the heart and soul of an all-time team. As it should be.

Started the Ladies' Motors: +100 TYP

What higher compliment could be paid to a True Yankee than to say that my mother has always had a crush on him? And who could blame her? Tall, dark, handsome, brooding, intense...my my, time for a little break.

OK, that was a little weird, but something always made "us" feel safe when we saw Andy on the mound, brim pulled low with his glove in front of his face.

One of the Filthiest Pickoff Moves Ever: +50 TYP

I am just going to let this speak for itself.

NON-TRUE YANKEE QUALITIES

You Think You Can Just Walk Away from This Thing of Ours? : -500 TYP

Done vomiting? No? Me neither; let's all of us take a few more minutes. Seriously, there were so many things wrong with the entire 2003/2004 offseason. First, how much of a little bitch do you have to be to take offense at not being wooed by your own team? It had been 9 years, man; most married couples even give up "date night" after 9 years. But you're going to run away crying because The Boss is wining and dining Gary Sheffield instead of you. Real mature.

Second, he took less money than what the Yankees were offering to go to Houston. Very un-True Yankee. Finally, as has been covered enough in this space, he aligned himself with Clemens, who had just committed the ultimate betrayal upon the Pinstripes. That's like choosing ho's before bro's: it's simply not done.

How Freaking Sensitive Can a Dude Be? : -100 TYP

This time around, Pettitte is doing the exact same thing, only in reverse. And this time, he's taking the money. But this was not about the money, it was about Cashman learning his lesson and improving his bedside manner. This time, the glove was on the other hand, so to speak, as it was Cashman not only offering more money, but telling Fragile Andy how much he and the Yankees needed and loved him. Cold fish Houston didn't stand a chance. Unsubstantiated reports indicate that if, when he returns home from a road trip, Andy's wife Laura does not have his favorite dish (mac & cheese, if you were curious) waiting for him, Fragile Andy runs to the tool shed to weep some very large tears.

May Have Shared More than Hot Beef Injections with Roger: -50 TYP

That whole Jason Grimsley story died down pretty quickly, but not before he refused to adhere to Carmelo Anthony's advice. Caught in the crossfire was none other than Mr. Pettitte. Given that nothing has been proven, and other steroid users have been pardoned by "us" in the past, this does not mean too much.

FINAL TOTAL: +900 TYP

Was there really any doubt? Sure, the Bombers probably overpaid a bit for him this time around, but have there really been any bargain-basement values with regard to marquee free agents this offseason? This move signals a return to glory for the Yankees; no more straight up mercenaries like Randy Johnson and A-Rod and a team reminiscent of the Bronx Zoo. It's time for the tried and true methods of success to be re-employed. I wonder if Ricky Ledee is available...

In other news...

2006-12-09T06:27:00.000-08:00

This just in: Jim Leyritz is reportedly considering a comeback.

In other news, I found some interesting lint in the dryer screen while I was doing my laundry this morning...

Word to the true Pinstripe-Worthiers among us: we'll be hearing a lot about this in the next few days, and someone will dredge up this quote from Costas, who will almost certainly get a PW? evaluation of his own in the near future:

"You could send this guy to a resort in the spring and summer, as long as he comes back for October."

Yeah. Leyritz hit 8 postseason dongs. But first of all, we've been clearly coached by Yankee fans that the two he hit for the Padres are completely worthless, so let's throw them out, shall we...although I guess it could be noted that he did nothing against the Yankees in the series, which, I'm sure, speaks somehow to his True Yankeehood. Hell, according to this, "It should also be noted in this series that Leyritz was the starting catcher in Game 5 of this series, a 1-0 pitcher's duel between Andy Pettitte and John Smoltz. While Leyritz did not contribute offensively or defensively in this game, he was calling the pitches for Pettitte's remarkable 8 1/3 innings shutout performance and guided Andy (as well as closer John Wetteland) through perilous 6th and 9th inning jams." Maybe Leyritz was also responsible for Don Larsen's perfect game, too...

Okay, the guy still had a few moments in October, I'll give him that. But if he comes back and flops, won't he be tarnishing his legacy? That's not "The Yankee Way," is it?

Oh, yeah, and there's this, too...

Truly Pinstripe Worthy...

- Silk...

Donnie Baseball

2006-07-30T17:15:00.000-07:00

Did you hear that?

Millions of Yankee fans just dropped to their knees and bowed their heads. Clearly, they're not interested in hearing the truth, so we'll leave them as they are.

The rest of you can read on, and spend some quality time taking an objective look at Mattingly's True Yankeehood.

First, the numbers.

Three conclusions to draw from this:

1. Mattingly was good - very good. He was certainly one of the better first basemen of his era when he was healthy, and was one hell of a hitter. He set some very impressive records, including tying Dale Long by homering in eight straight games and hitting six grand slams in 1987, and his 22 putouts on July 20th of that year are still tied for the most ever.

2. He wasn't, however, head and shoulders above all of the other guys.

Carew was better (much better), as was Murray, and Cecil Cooper was definitely in the same conversation. I guess he was better than Garvey, although he had about 2000 fewer plate appearances, but this guy was a far better player than Mattingly was. He just didn't play in New York.

Keith Hernandez was certainly as good as Mattingly, if not better, and Mark Grace was close too.

Like I said Mattingly was good - really good. But he wasn't great. Talk to the numbers, and to my hand.

3. Look back at the dedication line from Mattingly's bbref page. This is what we're up against, Pinstripe Worthiers... this guy is so entrenched in the annals of supposed True Yankeehood that people are confusing their admiration for him with love for their dads. Ugh...this is going to be tough.

TRUE YANKEEHOOD QUALITIES:

The Preposterous HOF Argument: +1000 TYP

This is borderline ridiculous. As noted above, Mattingly was a very good first baseman. But let's take a look at the guys currently in Cooperstown who played first base for most of the careers, shall we? Such a list can be found here.

Yeah, OK, maybe, just maybe, he was a little better than Tony Perez. But as you Yankee fans yourselves would say in a similar situation, Perez has rings, and produced big-time in the postseason.

George Kelly was a mistake, and got in 51 years after his final season. So don't go there.

Guys NOT in the HOF who were as good as or better than Mattingly, you ask? Oh, there's plenty...Cooper, Hernandez, Boog Powell.

In summary, word has it that this was written with Mattingly's HOF considerations in mind...he just wasn't that level of a player.

So why is this positive? Well, that's what True Yankees end up with when it's all over for them - an overinflated image in the media and in their own minds of how good they were, just because they played in the Bronx. Just ask Thurman Munson and Derek Jeter. Yeah, I said it.

"Huge in the Clutch" in 1995: +750 TYP

This is what Yankee fans do: they find some pathetically small sample size to bolster their case if and when it works, and then base a player's entire reputation on them. In this case, it's Mattingly's .417 average against the Mariners in 1995 comes from 24 at bats... and in case you're forgetting, Yankee fans, they lost! After winning game 2 in a fifteen-inning classic to go up 2-0 (by the way, Mattingly grounded out in the top of that inning and thus did nothing when it was truly clutch time), the Bombers dropped three in a row to bow out quietly. Hey Yankee fans, it might interest you all to be reminded of the fact that Randy Johnson, who has already been found to be Pinstripe Worthy in a controversial ruling here, won two of those games, striking out Mattingly 3 times in game 3 and 16 Yankees overall in 10 innings.

What about Donnie Baseball's other postseason appearances? Oh, that's right...he didn't have any! Yankee fans delight in labeling Winfield Mr. May, but the truth is that Winfield won two postseason series in pinstripes to Mattingly's none, and, oh yeah, he's got a ring. How does your own medicine taste?

It looks like a paradox, I know, that this futility could be considered helpful to Mattingly's True Yankeehood, but the actions of the fans are what is significant here. They want him to be a Yankee, so they trumpet his meaningless .417 in a series in which they inexcusably choked as a sign of performance, ignoring the fact that Winfield at least got them to the World Series, somewhere the Yankees never got until Mattingly was sitting behind Tino Martinez.

Going through the Old Fogey hitting coach for Torre phase: + 250 TYP

Mattingly actually had a fairly well-publicized spat with the Boss (see below) that strained his True Yankee affiliations, but he's avoided Winfield/Yogi Berra status by hanging out in the dugout with Torre and pretending that Gary Sheffield and Jason Giambi listen to Mattingly's advice about their steroid-enhanced swing. Yeah, sure they do. He's even kissing George's ass in interviews now.

T-BROOK called...he wants his look back: + 500 TYP

Those familiar with my writing know that I find TOM BROOKENS' mustache to be far less porntastic than at least one other, but the fact remains that Brookens originated and perfected the post-disco used car salesman/traffic cop chic. The Yankees steal everything, from the Bambino to Raul Mondesi, and this is just another example of the pinstripers pilfering the resources of others and calling them their own. Hell, they even stole T-BROOK himself in 1989! Mattingly even sported the BROOKENS protomullet sanitation engineer look until... (see below)

NON-TRUE YANKEEHOOD QUALITIES:

Refused to cut his hair, against King George's rules: - 500 TYP

"Don Mattingly: 100% ballplayer, 0% bullshit."
- Bill James, The Bill James New Historical Baseball Abstract

Really? How did you arrive there, BJ? Doesn't undermining clubhouse chemistry qualify, especially when it directly interferes with the "Yankee Way"?

And this was back when Steinbrenner was truly The Boss: no one dared to questions to dump and get back together with Reggie, The Stick, or Billy Martin as often as he frequents the local Chinese buffet in St. Pete? Totally unYankeefied.

Zero Championships, 1 Playoff Appearance: -500 TYP

Yankee fans can't have it both ways. Well, they have been, but it stops now. You can't let Captain Dreamboat get credit for the 4 rings and then fail to hold Mattingly unaccountable for a string of failure. As described above, yeah, Winfield performed poorly in October, but Mattingly ultimately didn't accomplish enough in April, May, June, and the rest of the time to get the Yankees to the postseason.

Quit $%(@ing Whining Already About How Much Pain You're In: - 250 TYP

Oh, yes, it's time to talk about the back. Another tremendous hypocrisy: Yankee fans pride themselves on holding pinstripers to the same standard of performance: no rings, hit the highway. If a Yankee does not reach the championship threshold, or at least humiliate the Red Sox, there are supposed to be no valid excuses. So stop kvetching about your aching back. Oh yeah...Mantle WON.

Final score: + 1250 TYP

So that's where we'll leave you, Don: exposed, bruised, and bleeding, but ultimately a True Yankee. You're already in Monument Park, so people can grossly overrate what you brought to the table every day before the Yankees put their $400 million second-place squad out there.

Enjoy him, Yankee fans, no one else would really have fought that hard to get him anyway.

- Silk...

Red

2006-07-11T17:56:00.000-07:00

As most of you are aware, the Yankees have not simply been kicking ass and taking names for the past decade; there is a long, rich history of domination. Just to remind everyone: “WE” HAVE TWENTY-SIX (26) WORLD SERIES VICTORIES!!!

With that in mind, let us take you along with us on our first foray into the Yankee archives many moons (and even a few scores) past.

Charles Herbert Ruffing was nicknamed “Red” most likely because of his red hair. Or, maybe he was a Commie before that was frowned upon with extreme prejudice. Yet another possibility is that, like Ellis Boyd Redding quipped in The Shawshank Redemption, “maybe it’s because [he was] Irish.”

Away we go: first, the numbers.

TRUE YANKEE QUALITIES

Member of 6 World Series Championship Teams!!! : +300 TYP

I do not think it is necessary to emphasize how vital this is for Red’s candidacy. The Bombers qualified for 7 Fall Classics during his tenure with the club, losing only the 1942 Series to the St. Louis Cardinals, who were anchored by Enos “Country” Slaughter and a 21 year-old Stan Musial.

In the Yankees' 7 Series appearances in which he participated, Mr. Ruffing was a stellar 7-2 with an ERA of 2.63 and 8 complete games in 10 outings. Well done, Red.

Would Have Been Seven, But…: +100 TYP

True Yankees of old are known for their patriotism and service to others. Back when this actually meant something, Red served in WWII during the period encompassing the 1943 & 1944 seasons, as well as the first half of 1945. Did I mention he was aged 38 at the time? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Sadly, he missed the Yankees avenging the previous year’s loss, as the holdovers thumped the evil Cardinals 4-1 in the 1943 Series. Can someone please tell me what Joe Gordon was doing that prevented him from fighting in the war?

Didn’t Need No Stinking Relievers: +50 TYP

Long before pitches, swings, batted balls and the such were charted, men pitched like men. Their pride did not allow them to leave a game, ahead or behind. Before computers were invented and realized their sole purpose: to irritate Joe Morgan to no end by writing books, there was no lefty specialist who would come in to face one batter. To that end, Red went the distance in 335 of his 536 career starts, a whopping 62.5% rate.

DEFINITELY Didn’t Need No Stinking Designated Hitter: +75 TYP

True Yankees can do it all, just like Mr. Ruffing certainly could. These nice guys have an interesting little Hall of Fame of their own, apparently dedicated to HOF players who hailed from Central Illinois. Relevant here is this nugget:

“Red Ruffing led the 1935 Yankees in both wins (16) and
batting average (.330), outpacing future Hall of Fame hitting
greats Lou Gehrig, Tony Lazzeri, Bill Dickey and Earle Combs?”

Sure, calling Lazzeri a “hitting great” is a bit of a stretch, but he was pretty damn good.

In addition, we get this from Baseball Library:

“Ruffing was also one of the best-hitting pitchers of all time, with lifetime marks of .269 (10th among pitchers with 500 at-bats), 36 HR (3rd), 273 RBI, and 58 hits in 228 pinch-hitting appearances. He batted over .300 eight times, his .364 (40-for-110) in 1930 standing as the second-best single-season average for a pitcher (Walter Johnson hit .433 in 1925).”

“Stolen” from the Red Sox during the 1930 Season: +100 TYP

Alright, he wasn’t actually stolen, but he was had for a song. OK, OK, it wasn’t a song either. It was less than a song. Who the hell is Cedric Durst? You don’t know either? Stupid Red Sox. Let "us" collectively laugh at them.

The best part? That Ruffing really, really sucked for Boston, putting up a record of 39-96. That right there is sandbagging at its best.

NON-TRUE YANKEE QUALITIES

Played for the Hated Red Sox: -75 TYP

As mentioned above, the Bombers traded the equivalent of an empty roster spot to acquire the rights to Red. However, the thought that “we” were in the presence of one of “them” remains a tough pill to swallow. Fortunately, the six rings made it easier to wash down. And, again, he totally blew for them.

Was a Pitching Coach for the Mets in 1962: -50 TYP

Ewwwwww. Not only did he stay in town to coach a team that was not the Yankees, he had to take credit for (and tarnish the Yankee image in the process) coaching a staff that went 40-120. Since the team’s Pythagorean was 50-110 for the season, I blame poor staff management for those extra 10 losses. However, I would also like to hold out hope that this is another example of top-notch sandbagging.

Was a Mangled, Deformed Freak: -100 TYP

Well, it wasn’t quite that bad, but check this out, again courtesy of our buddies from Nokomis:

“Red Ruffing overcame adversity to achieve pitching stardom. As a youngster he lost four toes on his left foot in a mine accident, which hastened a transition from the outfield to the mound.”

True Yankee fans like to act all sympathetic and compassionate, but “we” actually are not. Deviations from the norm freak “us” out; sure, we’ll cheer for you and your 1.5 feet or your 1.5 arms (I’m looking at you, Jim Abbott), but you’ll never truly be one of “us”.

FINAL TOTAL: +400 TYP

And we have our first Veterans’ Committee True Yankee inductee! 231 wins while donning the pinstripes is good for 2nd place in Yankees history, behind fellow Hall of Fame member Whitey Ford who, like Red, had a Yankees cap atop his dome piece on his HOF bust. A True Yankee, through and through!

Mr. October

2006-07-03T06:47:00.000-07:00

Not many players have embodied such conflict whilst donning the Pinstripes. He hit, he yelled, he postured, he won, he came, he left. We here at trueyankee.blogspot believe it is this conflict and duality of Yankeehood that makes him such a superb subject.

First, the numbers.

Look, the guy is a Hall of Famer, obviously. In fact, if the HOF had subdivisions which further separated the immortal from the highly elite, I think we know which group Reggie would be a part of. But, does that make him a True Yankee? Only one way to find out:

TRUE YANKEE QUALITIES

Umm, Seriously, Did You not See His Nickname???: +1200 TYP

All these problems you hear about with A-Rod and Yankee fans nowadays? Gone, if Alex could just manage to hit 3 home runs in one game to clinch a World Series. Is that really too much to ask?

So, to you seamheads out there who opine that "clutch" does not exist: True Yankee fans respectfully disagree. From the period beginning in 1977 and ending in 1981, the Bombers made 4 postseasons and qualified for 3 World Series', 2 of which they added to the ever-growing collection. There was a reason for that. That reason had a name. The name was not Mickey Rivers. You do the math.

The Aforementioned Two (2) World Series Victories: +1250 TYP

After falling in the Series in 1976, the Boss and his minions correctly estimated that the team was one key cog away from world domination. That cog was Reggie. Two consecutive championships following his arrival is no coincidence.

In the two Series victories, all Mr. October did was go .419/.520/.953 with 7HR and 16RBI. Can you say filthy? Throw in the Series MVP in '77, and you've got yourself a Pantheon performance.

The Reggie Bar: +100 TYP

This is a bit of a tough spot for True Yankee fans. See, at the end of the day, it's all about the team and the "Yankee Way". However, it would be false to state that "we" do not engage in our fair amount of hero worship. And by "fair", I mean "obscenely copious". Never tried the Reggie! Bar myself, but I would imagine it was delicious, much like the man himself.

Tried to Assassinate the Queen of England: +75 TYP

True Yankees know that there is no royalty in this world other than those who proudly display the Pinstripes. England seems to think that they can have this figurehead who rules over her subjects with a sanctimonious glare while wielding no actual power and living in opulence. Although he was with the Angels at the time, he remembered his Yankee training well. If you don't think Vincent Ludwig was a representation of Steinbrenner then, well, you just were not watching. However...

NON-TRUE YANKEE QUALITIES

Thwarted by Enrico Polazzo (aka Lieutenant Frank Drebin): -100 TYP

True Yankees just can't accept having an honest assassination attempt spoiled by a fat lady falling out of the stands and landing atop your person. In fact, the only situation in which a fat lady should be on top of a True Yankee is if she is a "slumpbuster". Even that is a stretch, because True Yankees do not have slumps.

This also seems like a good place to mention Reggie's forgettable appearances in such flops as Richie Rich and The BenchWarmers. Ugh.

"The Straw that Stirs the Drink": -75 TYP

Talk about announcing one's presence with authority. However, you never ever speak ill of a Yankee catcher, especially one who is the captain of a pennant-winning team and just picked up a little thing called the MVP. Again, True Yankees are more or less about the team. Team is about chemistry. Showing up and talking shit about your new teammates is a little unorthodox. However, he does not get docked a ton since his little ploy worked and success ensued.

In addition, he drove Billy Martin to the brink of insanity. I'l grant that this is not a very difficult task, in and of itself, but it is immense fun to imagine the carnage that would have resulted had no one held Billy back.

Almost Single-Handedly Defeated the Anti-Fraternization Rule: -150 TYP

In his first book, former umpire Ron Luciano detailed the rule against conversing with opposing players in warmups and practice prior to games. He further describes that umpires were supposed to write down the names of violators in a little notebook so that the proper fines could be dispensed. Reggie defiantly disobeyed and spoke out against this practice, saying that he should be able to talk to the other great hitters in the world about their craft to improve and make the game better.

While I do not disagree with this logic even one iota, we must understand what this rule's downfall really meant. Players today consistently deny and downplay rivalries and their importance. Fans live and die by the rivalry. "We" hate the Red Sox and all their players, so we want our players to possess that same disdain. They don't and, further, they never did, but the Anti-Fraternization rule gave us the appearance that such a tension exisited. In some cases, ignorance is bliss.

Tore it up For Teams that were not The Yankees: -150 TYPNow, I show this for two reasons. First, that is just a sick artistic rendition. Second, however, is to show that Mr. October was very visible on the national radar before he even got to New York.

However, "we" cannot begrudge Reggie his success elsewhere. Great players are great, regardless of location. Further, his teams' successes never came at the direct expense of the Yankees. Sure, he was a bit of a vagabond, playing for 5 different franchises during his 21 year career. But that's sort of endearing. He was a real-life Paladin: "Have bat, big mouth & pimp glasses, will travel."

Final Total: +2150 TYP

You guessed it: Mr. October is a True Yankee for life. This is proof that: 1) Yankee fans love great players, and 2) One really does not have to spend an overtly great amount of time with the club to be embraced.

Yankee fans would probably never consider Reggie as one of their most beloved players ever, but they sure did love what he did for the team and appreciated when he talked shit to others while repping the Bombers. Basically, he was like Gary Sheffield. With a personality. For that, we all owe.

The most obnoxious ritual in all of sports

2006-06-08T14:57:00.000-07:00

And I mean the absolute worst.

There are, of course, many annoying things one might encounter when attending or watching a sports contest.

And there are a lot of obnoxious people in New York who happen to be sports fans.

But there is nothing, and I mean NOTHING uglier than this.

Now, I know that there are certainly better ones than that I could have found, in which the camera operator diligently pans from one of these overpaid mercenaries to the next, and focuses in as each one of them pretends to give a crap what a bunch of morons who can't even remember what their own names are by giving them a half-hearted and sheepish salute.

But this one, to me, is perfect (if you missed the link above, just click on A-rod's picture) - because you can actually hear the moron with his cameraphone, and the people around him, bumbling through the roll call, and congratulating themselves and one another during the process for demonstrating that they would able to stand in for a bunch of mindless sheep if there were a shortage down on the farm.

And speaking of the farm, is Kevin Maas ready yet? Bernie looks pretty slow out in right field.

Nothing worse, I tell you, nothing. Don't know how many True Yankeehood Points it gets (I'll leave that to you people to decide), but it gets -1000 class points for sure.

- Silk...

The Big Unit - Up Close and Personal

2006-06-01T13:17:00.000-07:00

I know, Yankee fans, I know. You don't even want to see this guy's name on a website dedicated to identifying the essence of True Yankeehood, much less his ugly mug.

But here's the thing: being a True Yankee in 2006 may or may not be similar to being one in 1986, or in 1936. In fact, I'm here to say that it absolutely is not the same thing. So we're not ruling anyone out without taking a look at the pros and cons... and there are plenty of cons in the history of Yankeedom... the Boss among them. They wear stripes for a reason.

When we look at the numbers, we see that:

1. Johnson is a very, very good pitcher. He's led the league five times in ERA+, he's averaging almost 11 strikeouts per nine innings for his career, and he's got a tremendous winning percentage considering the fact that he's been on some horrible teams.

2. He's spent only a small fraction of his career in pinstripes. So even if there is some True Yankeehood in there, how much can there really be?

No matter - let's see what, if anything, is Yankeeesque about RJ, what's not, and what is just plain scary.

TRUE YANKEE QUALITIES:

Came to New York via a lopsided deal involving buckets of cash: + 1000 TYP:

See, this is how the Yankees roll. A Hall of Fame bound lefthander with plenty left in the tank, who has beaten the Yankees in the past, comes to the Big Apple for:

Javier Vazquez,
Brad Halsey,
Dioner Navarro,
oh, yeah, and nine million dollars.

OK, Vazquez is a good MLB pitcher, and managed to actually get noticed by people while he was in Montreal, which is no small accomplishment. But Halsey's a freaking bum who won't be known for anything other than throwing the fat pitch that finally allowed Barry* Balco to tie the Babe, and Navarro's Pat Borders with a Venezuelan passport - mark it down. He'll be a major league catcher for a good long while if he can get and stay healthy, but the fourth "player" on that list was really all the Diamondbacks cared about - you'll notice that none of those three guys are on Arizona's roster any more.

Yeah, okay, Johnson's a hired gun. BFD - so are virtually all of these guys. Coming to the Bronx in exchange for a boatload of cash and three journeymen is as much a part of the Yankee tradition nowadays as this asshole.

If you don't believe me, listen to WFAN or any national sports radio show that serves New York, and wait until either Jerome or Sal calls up (you won't have to wait long - apparently, neither one of them sleeps). The following conversation will invariably occur:

"So, we need some pitchers, huh, Sal/Jerome? It says here that you've got a suggestion as to how to fill those trouble spots and get us back to the World Series where we belong. Let's hear them!"

"Yeah, what if we traded two of Derek Jeter's ex-girlfriends, John Flaherty [more on him later] and J.D. Drew for Johan?"

"Well, Serome, I don't think that's going to fly. First, Flaherty's not actually on the team any more, and second, Drew plays for the Dodgers."

"Yeah, but that's the beauty part. We deal Villone and Terrence Long to the Dodgers for Nomar and Drew, and then send Drew to the Twins to get Johan."

"Sorry, Jal, but there's no way the Twins would do that. They just resigned Johan, and they're not going to part with him now."

"Well, how about if we throw in 19 million bucks?"

"Sounds great! I love the way you always think outside the box - whaddya think, Yankee fans? He might have something here!"

ugh.

The Exploding Dove: + 750 TYP:

OK, I know - he wasn't a Yankee yet. So freaking what? If there's a more True Yankee move than this, I don't want to see it. Basically, you're showing the world that you care even less for everyone and everything else around you than Winfield did when he terminated that pigeon in Toronto with extreme prejudice. True Yankees don't really care what happens to anything that gets in their way, especially if it's lower on the food chain than they are.

"Don't Talk Back to Me!": + 750 TYP

Nothing screams "I'm a 21st-century Yankee" quite like getting your hair cut (sort of, see below), shaving your awful facial hair, and then telling the press to go screw themselves on the way to your physical.

According to the New York Daily News, here's the play-by-play of ONE of the incidents that day:

Cameraman Vinny Everett: "Hey, buddy."

Security guard Jerry Laveroni: "Hey, how ya doing?"

Randy Johnson: "Hey."

Laveroni: "No cameras, man. No cameras."

(Johnson reaches out for lens of camera and points it downward)

Everett: "Hey, what was that? What is that?"

Laveroni: "No cameras!"

Johnson: "Get out of my face, that's all I ask."

Everett: "I'm just taking a picture."

Johnson: "No, you're not."

Laveroni: "No cameras!"

Johnson: "No cameras!"

Laveroni: "I got it Randy, I got it."

Johnson: "All right, don't get in my face. I don't care who you are, don't get in my face!"

Everett: "I'm just taking a picture, it's supposed to be a happy (inaudible)."

Johnson: "Don't get in my face, and don't talk back to me, all right!"

Laveroni: "Come on, Randy."

Johnson: "Or you'll see what I'm like!"

Everett, as Johnson walked away: "Welcome to New York!

And don't think, for a moment, that this was just a case of getting the Big Unit at a bad time, which has certainly happened to me on occasion (generally when that new chick from Publications walks by).

Here are just a few anger management incidents involving Randy over the years; once again, courtesy of the Daily News:
"June, 1988: While pitching for Triple-A Indianapolis in Montreal's system, missed nearly two months with a hairline fracture of fifth metacarpal bone on his right hand for punching a concrete wall. He was traded to Seattle one season later.

June 1998: Initiates a clubhouse fight with Mariners teammate David Segui purportedly because Segui would not lower his stereo.

July 1998: Sparks a bench-clearing brawl between Seattle and Cleveland when he whistles consecutive pitches at the head of Indians outfielder Kenny Lofton, earning a suspension.

Dec. 2003: Following a few years of mutual jealousy and personality conflicts with Johnson, Diamondbacks co-ace Curt Schilling forces a trade, and winds up with the Red Sox, the eventual World Series champions.

July 2004: Johnson and teammate Luis Gonzalez nearly drop the gloves in a dugout runway after Johnson questioned the outfielder's effort following a three-run error that led to an Arizona loss. Johnson reportedly shoved Gonzalez into a water cooler before the two had reached the runway."

He and Sheffield are perfect together - wait until Bonds is the DH! Harmony will reign...

Fighting with the NY press is as Yankee as it gets nowadays, thanks to Reggie, Winfield, Munson, Georgie-pie, Billy Martin, and a host of other characters. Welcome to New York, Randy!

$32 million American schrods at the age of 42: + 1000 TYP

I know. I said above that he had plenty left in the tank. And I think he still does, even now at age 43. But after forking over $9 million for the guy, the Yankees then give him TWO MORE YEARS at $16 million a pop - guaranteed. Only the Yankees would have the audacity for that.

NON-TRUE YANKEE QUALITIES:

2001: - 1500 TYP

OK. Do you remember?
bing!
bam!
boom!

Three beautiful performances, punctuated by the ballsy trip from the bullpen and Mariano blowing it. Now, I know what many of you are thinking here: how can this only count for 1500 measly True Yankee Points? It's a good question, and the answer can be found here.
Take a good look at that team. First, notice how many players are 34 years old or older. Then, see how many of them were purchased for one or two years... look familiar, Yankee fans? That's right! It's YOUR current team's alter ego! (Well, there is one exception...these guys won the World Series).

I cannot, in good conscience, take off more points than that when the team with which Johnson stuck it to the Yankees was basically a mirror image of the Yankees themselves. Hell, the Yankees seemed to like that team - they signed a couple of those fellows themselves, and traded Mondesi (remember him) over there afterwards... with cash, of course.

Grew the Mullet Back out a little: - 50 TYP

He's definitely testing the rules now, I'll give you that. But the original transformation was SO extreme that this can't count against his True Yankeehood that much.

Won't pitch to Posada: - 750 TYP

Although we haven't evaluated him yet, I think Posada's True Yankeehood sort of speaks for itself. Why Johnson prefers to pitch to the likes of John Flaherty, and now Kelly Stinett, is beyond me... one wonders if his bloated ERA has something to do with this.

FINAL TOTAL: +1200 TYP

Face it, Yankee fans: this guy is one of you, and was long before he cut his hockey hair. Finally coming to the Bronx was only fair. The bad news is that I think he's far from done, and that he'll be a big part of the reason why the Evil Empire still has a very real shot at winning it all this year if they can get their M.A.S.H. unit in some semblance of ambulatory condition.

- Silk...

Luis Polonia...The Man, The Pedophile

2006-05-30T16:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a player or coach doesn't have to spend much time with the Yankees for the fans to embrace him. And sometimes the player really enjoys embracing the fans. Even the little ones. It's time to find out where True Yankee ends and sick pervert begins.

The Numbers.

TRUE YANKEE QUALITIES

Member of the 2000 World Championship team: +100 TYP

I cannot emphasize enough how important World Series titles are to True Yankees. That is why True Yankee fans complain about not winning championships when they already have 26 to cuddle up next to at night. Luis sported a manly .500 BA in the World Series. Of course, he was only 1-2.

Was a member of the 1996 Atlanta Braves : + 25 TYP

The Yankees hate the Red Sox. This is well known. Not as widely recognized is their hatred for the Braves. No modern World Series wins have been as satisfying as '96 and '99 against the Braves. Atlanta represents the anti-Yankee. Sure, they win, but they only won a single championship, don't spend an exorbitant amount of money, don't make the tabloids on a regular basis, don't burn through managers like they were toilet paper. Plus, their owner, Ted Turner, is possibly an even bigger bag of douche than Steinbrenner.

During the Series, Polonia went 0-5 with 3 strikeouts. Played like a True Yankee saboteur; we salute you, Mr. Polonia.

Ranked #54 on some random guy's list of Top 100 Angels of all-time: +25 TYP

Seriously.

I'm not making this up. This is what the Yankees do. "We" steal other teams' beloved players and make them "our" own. Then "we" act like he was one of "us" all along.

Pinch hit for David Ortiz in the World Baseball Classic: +10 TYP

Even washed-up former Yankees are better than the best Red Sox hitter in his prime. Apparently, Mr. Clutch "Big Papi" simply could not bring as much to the table in the big spot as the 42-year old. Sounds about right to me.

Did 5 separate tours with the Yankees: +25

The Yankees do whatever they want and sign whomever they please. So, if they repeatedly want you back, even after trading you away, that is a sign that you are doing something correctly.

NON-TRUE YANKEE QUALITIES

Was a member of the 1995 Atlanta Braves: -150 TYP

How dare he win a ring with a team that is not the Yankees! Plus, he even contributed: going 4-14 with a homer and 4 RBI. You may wonder why winning with another team counts against him more than winning with the Yankees counts for him. That would be a fair, yet stupid question. You would be forgetting that True Yankees like not losing better than winning. Thus, when they lose, someone else wins. Logically, True Yankees dislike losing more than not winning. Again, try to keep up.

Had intercourse with a 15-year old girl and was subsequently convicted of statutory rape: -2000 TYP

Ugh. (Note how I linked to an Orioles site for this so as to distance the Yankees from this deplorable act.)
To be honest, you can put any number you want on this, and it's not big enough. This is pretty much the worst thing you can do while representing the Yankees. That includes killing a nice, old lady. Even if that lady is Suzyn Waldman. See, here's the thing about True Yankee fans: most of "us" are degenerate assholes, but "we" get all indignant about certain things like raping women and defaming churches. Do blow, drive drunk, take steroids; "we" honestly don't care. But if you do one of these acts that draw "our" True Yankee ire, do not expect "our" love and affection.

Further, True Yankees do not have to resort to these pathetic tactics; True Yankees can have their pick of the entire pool of consenting-aged eligible women. In fact, they don't even have to try. They can point and fire off witty one-liners indicating that the woman in question is lucky enough to have been selected by a True Yankee (probably not something as clever and blatant as "you're with me, leather", but you get the idea). Plus, if this act was eventually discovered, the girl must have complained to someone. So, not only did he have sex with a 15-year old, he performed badly enough that she either had to alert the authorities or cry to her parents. All around, beyond a non-True Yankee effort.

FINAL TOTAL: -1965 TYP

It's official: there are a few things that can outweigh being a member of a celebrated Yankee championship team. Committing a sex crime is one of those things. At least we got to hear the occasional visiting team play Sam Cooke's "Only Sixteen" when Polonia came up to bat. That was fun.

Joltin' Joe

2006-05-25T09:12:00.000-07:00

OK, now we're getting somewhere.

At first look, you don't get more True Yankee than this guy - he's the Yankee freaking Clipper! But we don't know for sure until the True Yankee Score has been calculated, so here we go!
The numbers - just unreal. Arguably one of the best 5 centerfielders of all time. If the True Yankee pantheon can rightfully claim this guy, it's one hell of a feather in their pinstriped cap. A true all-around player - didn't steal bases, but hit for average and power, played a top-notch CF in a huge outfield, and accomplished perhaps the most difficult feat in the history of sports.

True Yankee Qualities:

Nine Titles in Thirteen Years: +1000 TYP

This goes beyond the mundane Yankee mandate to win at all times. Dimaggio had to hit in front of Gehrig for his first three years. Think about that - a 21-year old rookie came in, hitting in Babe Ruth's spot, and was an instant superstar. There aren't many athletes that succeed immediately when asked to follow one of the best to ever play (Scottie Pippen, I'm looking at you). Sure, the Yankees had other great players on those teams - but Dimaggio was better than any of them. And keep in mind the fact that DiMaggio played in a stadium that was an absolute nightmare for righthanded power hitters - Bill James says that DiMaggio probably lost more home runs to his home park than any player in major league history.

The Streak: + 500 TYP

Perhaps the safest record in all of team sports - the only baseball accomplishments even close are Ripken's and Larsen's. No one's breaking this anytime soon, and True Yankees set the standard to which everyone aspires.

Boinked Marilyn Monroe: +250 TYP

Jeter, Mantle, and even Kyle Farnsworth know all about this. There is no greater perk in sports than the fine females that flock to athletes in a big city, and playing center field in the Bronx is probably the greatest home-field advantage in history. Not even fair - Kennedy was probably jealous of this guy... because DiMaggio bagged Marilyn when she was in her youthful prime.

True Yankees bring home the prom queen, and Marilyn was bigger than Jessica Alba, Christie Brinkley, or Roseanne have ever been or ever will be.

The Song: + 200 TYP

It's easy to overlook this, but that would be a mistake. Sure, nowadays it's commonplace for athletes to appear in rap videos or release god-awful recordings of their own (see Bryant, Kobe, or even worse, Artest, Ron). But in 1941, this simply didn't happen. Most athletes were considered to be outside of entertainment business. True Yankees are larger than life, and as much as the song itself might suck, it's huge.

The War: + 50 TYP

DiMaggio made it cool to be an American soldier. Sure, he could have been destroying those quadruple-A pitchers that were left behind in the big leagues, but instead he enlisted in the US Army to take on those bastards from Germany, Italy, and Japan. Now, it's true that Sergeant Joltin' Joe never actually got any closer to action than teaching physical education in Hawaii and Atlantic City, but that just tells you that the Army put high priority on keeping him safe - which wasn't the case with Ted Williams or with Feller.

Got paid: + 100 TYP

DiMaggio didn't come cheap. He was the second $100,000 player, after Ted Williams. I think everyone realizes that this is a big part of being a True Yankee. On top of the salary, Joe cashed in big-time on the Mr. Coffee ads and surely got paid to lend his name to the Joe Chair...

Non-True Yankee Qualities:

There's not much here. I guess DiMaggio loses points for acting like a sally by chasing her and sending flowers to her grave for decades after Marilyn first dumped him to go hang out with the Rat Pack and later offed herself. Also, he tolerated the fact that his brother Dom played his entire career for the Red Sox without disowning him. However, it should be stated that he returned from an injury that had kept him out of the lineup for the first 65 gmes of season in 1949 to stick it to the Red Sox at Fenway and lead the Yankees to a three-game sweep, with his brother watching. Take away 75 points total, and call it a day.

In summation, the consummate pro, the king of New York for thirteen years, and a True Yankee. Final tally: 2025 True Yankee Points. Score one for the bad guys. Very few of them will be this easy..

Who will be judged next? Darryl Strawberry? Luis Polonia? Billy Martin? Donald Trump? You'll have to wait and see.

The Rocket

2006-05-23T10:49:00.000-07:00

It is time for the first true test of True Yankeedom: do championships outweigh disloyalty and just being a jerk in general? It is a question we will have to ponder more than a few times in this webspace for, as any True Yankee fan will be happy to tell you, "we" have 26 World Series Titles. Roger Clemens pitched for the Bombers for 5 years of his ungodly 22 thus far.
But a fine 5 they were for the Yankee organization. Enough to push him over the top? Let's find out.

True Yankee Qualities:

Two World Series Titles (1999 & 2000): + 200 TYP

Yankees like to win, but not as much as they like not losing. If this doesn't make sense to you, you're probably at the wrong website. Clemens won 2 games and lost none in these two World Series appearances, closing out the sweep of the hated Atlanta Braves in 1999 and the famed Game 2 performance against the Mets in the Subway Series. Bonus points for beating rival National League squads would have been given, but they were balanced by the fact that he did not single-handedly turn a contending Yankee team into a championship team; the franchise had won 2 of the last 3 titles prior to his arrival.

Stuck it to the Red Sox: + 150 TYP

Almost as much as not losing, Yankees like the Red Sox not winning. It gives Yankee fans a warm feeling inside, like a nice glass of cognac on a cold winter's eve. If you've ever wondered what separates a good athlete from a great one, it is motivation. And what better motivation to really kick it into high gear is there than your former general manager saying that you're washed up ? I guess you can call Clemens' 1997 and beyond an Indian Summer, because that twilight sure lasted a while.

Stuck it in Piazza's ear: +100 TYP

Literally. This would have been worth more if Piazza had to retire as a result or, better yet, left this mortal coil ala Ray Chapman. He could have at least blinded him like Tony Conigliaro. In fact, I'm starting to get angry that Piazza was able to walk, let alone play baseball after this. But, if he hadn't been able to, we would not have gotten...

Going psycho and throwing the broken bat at Piazza in Game 2 of the Subway Series: +50 TYP

In one of the most surreal moments in recent sports history, Clemens displayed the intensity that all True Yankee fans demand. Not only did the Yankees go on to win Game 2 and the Series, it led to the hilarity of Shawn Estes famously trying to hit Clemens in a regular season game in 2002. So, the Rocket pretty much emasculated the entire Metropolitan organization. Well done.

Played on the 1986 Boston Red Sox: +100 TYP

There it is, folks: our first pot-shot at Red Sox ineptitude. Who better to kick it off than the all-time goat himself? This would have been worth more had Clemens actually partaken in the shit-show that was the collapse, but he actually did the unthinkable and put the Red Sox in position to win their first World Series in 68 years.

Got a standing ovation from the Florida Marlin players after exiting Game 4, in Florida no less: + 25 TYP

Yankees also enjoy it when other teams realize that they are not themselves the Yankees and slobber all over "us" instead. Perhaps Florida would not have acted similarly if they were behind in the game at the time or knew that the Yankee Magic would produce 2 runs in the top of the 9th, but still. However...

Non-True Yankee Qualities

Didn't Freaking Retire: -500 TYP / Stole Andy Pettitte on his way out: -100 TYP

I mean, you've got to be joking me. The Marlins only gave you that charity ovation because you were supposed to retire. Damn it, you did retire! For a whole month, before running back to Texas like the hick that you are and snaking Pettitte out from underneath of "us" with promises of "good, hard Texas workouts."

Game 7: -100 TYP

Facing one of the worst lineups in recent memory to make, let alone win, a World Series, Roger knows it's all hands on deck and that everyone is exhausted. So, you'd think he'd suck it up and go 7+ like Schilling, right? Nope. This is often forgotten because Soriano bailed him out in the top of the 8th and then the alleged dramatics of the bottom of the 9th ensued. I say "alleged" because True Yankee fans will not officially acknowledge that these events actually took place. Sure, you may say that he did not pitch badly, but that is not enough. He did not pitch to win; he pitched not to lose. Although "we" like not losing better than winning, the players have to have that winning attitude. Try and keep up.

Instead of jumping ship immediately from the Red Sox to Yankees, took a two-year hiatus in Canada: -75 TYP

Bad enough that he won two Cy Youngs while he was in Toronto, but to do it for a division rival? Not cool.

Won only 1 Cy Young Award while in the pinstripes: -150 TYP

He played 22.7% of his career with the Yankees, but only won 14.3% of his Cy Youngs with "us". That is completely and utterly unacceptable. Yankees do not accept subpar performance. True Yankees get better when they don the pinstripes, not worse.

Made more money and had more outlandish perks in his Astros contract that with the Yankees: -200 TYP

Nobody, and I mean nobody, throws around cash and coddles their players like the Yankees. Who the hell does Clemens think he is demanding $18 million a year to not travel with the team when he's not pitching and unfettered access to a private jet from another team? He probably only got a Lear. "We" could have given him a Gulfstream.

Yankee fans do not want him back: -500 TYP

With all the talk of Clemens again un-retiring, there has been speculation of a bidding war between the Red Sox, Yankees, Astros and Rangers for 3-4 months of his service. No thanks, Roger. And don't even think about donning a Yankee cap upon your induction to Cooperstown.

Final Total: -1000 TYP

Thanks for the memories, Rocket. But you were more or less a shell of your former self while with the Yankees and, let's face it: "we" would have won without you. You provided some special moments but, at the end of the day, True Yankees and their fans hope you burn in hell.

'Till Next time...

Mr May...True Yankee?

2006-05-22T15:03:00.001-07:00

Winfield certainly looks like a True Yankee in that picture, but there's a lot of analysis to be done here.

First of all, let's look at the numbers.

The initial thing that jumps out, of course, is that Winnie only played nine of his 22 seasons in New York. But that's actually the most out of any of the teams for which he played, so I'd say that sort of bolsters his case for True Yankeehood. Furthermore, eight of his twelve All-Star seasons were played in pinstripes. Winfield became a star with the Padres, but he became a superstar, and a Hall of Famer, with the Yanks.

True Yankee Qualities:

Signed as a free agent with the Yankees in 1981 to become the highest-paid player in baseball history: + 250 True Yankeehood Points (TYP)

I mean, really, is there anything more True Yankeefied than this?

Killed a seagull while making a throw from the outfield, and then took off his cap in a mock moment of remembrance: +75 TYP

Not only did Winfield strongly uphold the Yankee principle of Social Darwinism, but he actually mocked the poor seagull, and perhaps our neighbors to the North, afterwards, saying, "I am truly sorry that a fowl of Canada is no longer with us."

Some of Winfield's True Yankee teammates were reportedly jealous of Winfield that they didn't get a chance to throw at the seagull first...

Named to the All-Star team in each of his seasons as a Yankee: + 50 TYP

The man could play. Billy Martin's remark that killing the bird was "The only time he hit the cutoff man" notwithstanding, Winfield was fine defensive outfielder with a cannon for an arm, great speed for a man his size, tremendous pop, and excellent plate discipline for a power hitter.

Inducted into the HOF in 2001: +50 TYP

Being a Hall of Famer goes a long way towards earning one True Yankeehood...

Reconciled with the Boss after being inducted (see below): +25 TYP

It always helps to battle with King George a few times. Just ask Billy Martin, Joe Torre, and Gene Michael.

Non-True Yankee Qualities:

Couldn't get it done in the postseason: -250 TYP

Now, this is, of course, a little unfair. The truth is that Winfield only got one shot at this as a Yankee - in his first year, and helped propel them past the Brewers in the 1981 ALDS. But then the wheels fell off. In the LCS (only three games) against the A's he hit .154/.267/.231 with no home runs. Then, in the Series against the Dodgers, Winfield went 1-22 with just 1 RBI and no extra-base hits. Had the Yankees won, maybe this wouldn't have counted so strongly against him. But they lost, and True Yankees don't fold up in the World Series and lose... well, unless they're Mickey Mantle in '55 or Jeter in '01 and are impervious to True Yankeehood Attack... but more on that in another episode.

The nickname: - 100 TYP

Getting disrespected by the Boss like this really hurts. Like it or not, Steinbrenner has been the head cheese for thirty years now, and was the undisputed king of the Bronx at this time. Plus, it was a really good line - people still call Winfield Mr. May to this day.

Not Reggie Jackson: - 75 TYP

Let's face it - this was something of a no-win situation for Winfield, but he REALLY suffered because of this. Reggie had a solid postseason in his last year as a Yankee, at the same time that Winfield was having a miserable time of it in his first year in the Bronx. Although there will surely be a heated debate about certain aspects of Reggie's True Yankeehood, he's on solid ground...with a much more enviable nickname. Winfield might have been a better player, but Reggie was there when they won, and was a huge part of that.

Not Don Mattingly: -100 TYP

Ouch. Here's why:

1. Mattingly played his whole career in the Bronx. Winfield didn't, and that, particularly the ending, is a big strike against him - see below.
2. The fans just took to Mattingly in a way they never did with Winfield. Winfield was better, but Mattingly was a better Yankee. Want the proof? Look again at the sponsor for Winfield's baseball-reference page, linked above. Now take a look at this - almost unfair. That's not Mattingly's kid - he has three sons, and none of them are named Scott. Some guy just feels like Mattingly symbolizes his Yankee relationship with his dad. Tells you everything about how these two guys were received - Winfield wasn't hated or anything, but he wasn't beloved like Mattingly was... and that's big when you're talking about who's a True Yankee and who's not.

Traded to the Angels in May of 1990: -50 TYP

True Yankees don't have this happen to them - especially not for the likes of Mike Witt.

Elected to retire as a San Diego Padre: -1000 TYP

Game, set, match. You don't do this if you're a True Yankee... even to the likes of Steinbrenner. Now, many fans might wish to say here that he was doing this JUST to spite the Boss for deriding him and for that business with the gambler George hired to uncover potentially incriminating evidence about Winfield. But it doesn't work like that. Turning in your Yankee pinstripes at the gates of Cooperstown means sacrificing all that is True Yankeehood - Mickey, Joe D, Gehrig, Hensley Meulens. All of it. The fact that Steinbrenner tried to intercede and have Winfield inducted as a Yankee means bupkis - Winnie's decision is the important thing here.

TRUE YANKEEHOOD SCORE: -1175 TYP

Sorry, Dave, you don't make the cut. But judging from your actions, you don't seem to care much. Just be aware that you'll be judged one day by the ultimate True Yankeehood test, and Ford Frick says he doesn't like you.

Your turn! What did I miss?

Don Zimmer - True Yankee?

2006-05-20T12:02:00.000-07:00

ah...Zim. A fitting guy to lead off, as he's got plenty that looks like it could work both for and against him when it comes to true Yankeehood.

The numbers

True Yankee Qualities:

Stood up to Pedro: +25 True Yankee Points (TYP)

This is, without question, a big chip in Zim's favor. Pedro is, after all, vilified by most Yankee fans.

Shows undying loyalty to Joe Torre: +10 TYP

Torre's obvious respect for Zimmer, steel plate in his head and all, automatically means that a large number of Yankee fans regarded Zim as one of their own from the moment he issued his first blank stare from the Yankee dugout.

Managed the Red Sox in the late 1970's: +100 TYP

If Zimmer had managed to get the hated Red Sox to the playoffs during this time (i.e., if there had been a wild card), this would be a huge strike against him. But he didn't, and allowed Yankee fans to chant "1918"" for another quarter-century. Just huge. It's been suggested that I explicitly mention the Bucky Dent game here, which is a good idea. That's why I gave him so many points...

Fought with the Boss: + 25 TYP

Toma's take:

"It is a tough one. You have a few factors to consider on each side:

Pro- Spoke his mind, did not back down; Comments displayed more loyalty to Torre and the players; Was actually important enough to draw Steinbrenner's ire."

I'll just add that Zimmer still refuses to even talk to the guy, and says that he walked right by him when seeing him in a restaurant. True Yankees don't cave in easily...

Non-True Yankee Qualities:

Fell down when Pedro pushed him: -15 True Yankee Points

See, here's the thing. Yankees don't lose...

Never actually played for the Yankees: -4 TYP

This doesn't really seem to bother Yankee fans that much.

Managed the Cubs during the "Boys of Zimmer" years: - 25 TYP

This just looks bad. The Cubs are everything that the Yankees are not: their fans are generally upbeat during a losing streak, their managers are given a long leash even during the worst of times, and they never had Billy Martin.

Awarded "29th unsexiest male celebrity" by Boston magazine in April, 2006: - 25 TYP

Any time that you're getting jeered by something from Boston, this has to count against you.

Fought with the Boss: -15 TYP

Toma's Take:

"Con- Did not fall in line as is required for True Yankees (like shaving/cutting hair); Left Yankees following the season for a team within the division (mitigated by the fact that it was the Devil Rays, which is pretty endearing since he was old and probably just loved it down there during spring training)."

I'll just add that if it were the Marlins, this would have been even more of a plus...but Tampa doesn't have what most New Yorkers are looking for, in a team or in a city (by the way, it's a great place).

Subtotal = +76 TYP - TRUE YANKEE!!!

This is where you come in - we'll need your reactions, and will factor in any additional attributes we may have missed here.

Let 'er rip!

Our manifesto...

2006-05-20T06:43:00.000-07:00

It must be hard to be a Yankee fan. Your owner is paying good money for the best talent money can buy... but sometimes he's not hiring the right kind of people.

We hear a lot about whether certain people are True Yankees or not, but what exactly does being a true pinstriper entail?

As I am not a Yankee fan, I figure the best thing to do is to consider, one at a time, many of the past and present Yankees and find out what makes them True Yankees or Not True Yankees. We'll engage in sabermetric analysis, character histories, and employ many other diagnostic tools to find out the basic attributes that define True Yankeehood. We'll also look at celebrities and other non-athletes to assess their True Yankeehood or lack thereof as well. But we'll need your help!

From this we hope to extrapolate a True Yankee Formula, which will give us a new statistic, TRUE YANKEEHOOD SCORE (TYS for short), that can be used for future case studies.

Let's get started!